Saturday, January 22, 2011

abstract. sometimes it's all I know.




In taking this picture my thought was how beautiful it was. Snow sparkling in the background...a single stalk standing out among snow much scenery. And then I realized why it called to me. Resilience, strength, waiting to flourish when the sun from the spring hits it, not even a kink or bend from the high wind and all it has had to endure. Sound familiar? I thought so too.

My daughter. The ER visit on Thursday was hell. I can honestly say I haven't been this drained or this anxious/stressed in a long time about anything with her condition.

But like that pictures. She remains steadfast in the face of adversity. Always. She is strong, happy, determined. She had 2 failed IV attempts, a straight cath, couldn't eat for HOURS in case we had to go into surgery, a CT, and a shunt series, and when they came in to try the second IV she was sitting up playing on the stretcher. And when she feel asleep she looked so peaceful, as if none of it had it even happened. Or she was so wiped from it sleep was the best escape.

My daughter amazes me. I watch her, listen to every noise in amazement. My baby...who they said wouldn't do anything...is this blossoming beautiful child. And thru it all, she smiles. That amazing, beautiful smile. And she shows just how smart she is. she was grabbing her right arm when they were trying to find a vein like "Oh HELL no" and was hitting poor Cliff yelling "stop" and shaking her head no. Cliff and Jen looked at me because a month ago she didn't know how to do that. I said "yea, she's getting bigger" and Cliff said "she's so grown up now". Even the nursing staff and our known dr's are amazed at her. Before she would have just cried, and been sad. This time she was hitting them, telling them stop and no, calling for her dad. Amazing progression since the last few ER visits.

My daughter is amazing. She is my life. My reason for taking breath everyday. She makes me smile even when I don't think I have the energy or one more smile in me. She is my everything. I love her more than anything in this entire world. I hope she knows it...at least just a little.

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