Monday, May 3, 2010
23 days. But who's counting
It would seem like there should be another way of dealing with time in a situation like this. Instead of just sitting and letting time win out day after day. Making it so we are that much more closer to leaving, to a week of pre surg appointments, to meeting with neuro surg and setting up a game plan (if that is possible) It doesn't seem that time should be able to taunt one so much. My biggest issue with time is that there is never enough of it, and sometimes there is far too much to even be able to comprehend. I don't know for the life of me what I am going to do. How do I go downstairs and order a coffee (a really GOOD coffee mind you) but not have it looming over me that my child is upstairs in the OR right now, and they are removing HALF of her beautiful little brain. So maybe it doesnt work the way it should. I get that. It's causing her seizures most likely. But it is still her. It's her brain,her beautiful little brain. How do I sit and wait for them to come out and tell me hourly updates while they cut into my babies skull. My baby that I grew in my belly, and tried so hard for her to have the best pregnancy, and to be healthy. How do Iwait for that dr to come out of the OR and do the family talk thing. I'm losing it her. I need to have a plan. Bigbys for coffee, phone,listen to music, just sit and look out the window. My child is my life. She is everything to me. She is the single , by far, best thing I have ever done in my life. She is my everything. My hope, my inspiration, my love bug, she is everything to me. Nothing means more to mean that the health of that child. and Whatever we have to do to get her well, that is what we will do. I love her that much that I will put aside fears and go into this as hopeful and positive as I can be. Because I know my girl is strong. She fights ..like her momma. I know she will kick some serious brain surgery seizure fighting ass. I just hope her momma can get thru the waiting without collapsing at the end of the day.